Out of My Hair

Welcome to Panic Station

2008-08-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

Its two months to my big day, a day of rejoicing and celebration. I'm panicking at this moment because both of our rooms are a complete mess and the cards are not done yet. Thanks to my super busy brother who's designing the card,i constantly have to hound him to finish. Lots of questions seem to pile up inside my head whenever i'm alone or whenever i have time to ponder. I've been hurt and betrayed a great deal by this man i'll be spending the rest of my life with. I know i have to forgive him for all the betrayal he's caused but somehow its really hard to let go of all the things he has done. There's always this fear inside of me and i really hope that i can forgive him one day. Things he said will always be remembered and never will it be forgotten. I hate it when i get flashbacks of all the mean things he has done to me.
Its strange how someone you love and devote yourself to could actually stoop so low as to submit to his inner demons and then cause your life to crash and burn. I truly am afraid of how the future will be together. Somehow the assurances i seem to need are the ones i'm not getting from him. Never have i faced the challenge of being with such a difficult person in my life. I truly am afraid. God help me.

HIgh Tea

2008-06-26T03:22:00.000-07:00

This was all i had time for during lunch. Would this be certified as lunch? Perhaps hi-tea eh? We are constantly on the run but where are we all running to actually? Are we all actually refugees?

Biscuits anyone?

Ponder Wonder Yonder

2008-06-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

When everyone you know around you is feeling down due to great problems faced or illnesses such as cancer, what should you do? Should you be happy in the hope that the happiness you are carrying is contagious enough to cause an epidemic? Or should you just lay low and give lots of rubs in the back? Whatever my decisions might be, I've learnt a great deal about love and compassion. The mother of my beloved is one such selfless case. She's a woman who stands by her husband in sickness and in health. Through exhaustion and hunger, she visits her husband every single day without fail. This woman works at night almost every day. She has my undying support and respect. I am amazed. That's what i call LOVE.

We all go through LOVE in different stages and different ways as well as for different reasons. Some go through LOVE in different seasons and different days. Whatever you're doing at this point in time, stop to ponder what could be done to make your relationship a happier and more meaningful one? Think, what if today was the last day you'll see LOVE?

Cherish your love ones today. If wearing a wig makes them happy, why not! (Bushuk this one's for you)

Moods in KL

2007-06-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

Moods was invited for three days of performances in KL from the 13th to the 15th of June. We drove up to KL and what an experience it was because it was our very first time driving up. We struggled throughout the drive to stay awake.. It was all worth it as it was a reunion of friends whom we have not met for a very long time. The audiences there were absolute darlings too. Not to mention the food too....

FIRST PERFORMANCE:
venue: Annex at Central Market

Setting up

Ct with the drums

Akira on guitars

Akira's effect pedals

Me and Azad: a quick snapshot

Us doing a soundcheck

The view of the space

After the soundcheck, we decided to hang out at Jo Kidd's shop

Moods at Timbre

2007-06-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight felt like any other night for the band, mainly because we were the last band to play tonight, which rarely happens. We felt really chill tonight whilst performing as well. We were practically in our own world. There were technical problems coming from the guitar effects and some other glithches like players starting on a wrong key,the momentary lapse of lyrics etc.
Above all that, we enjoyed ourselves and was a bonus when we see some people in the audience dancing as well as showing us the thumbs up. The set was 45 minutes and we were quite drained by the time it ended. Nonetheless, we were just happy playing on stage.

Moods post gig

Moods setting up

Moods live on stage

Akira the Guitarist aka my brother

Time is on our side.... yes it is

2007-06-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

We both knocked off work early and agreed to meet at Arab Street for a quiet session before jamming starts at 9.30. I managed to vomit out some lyrical content for a new song..

A.L.O.N.E

2007-06-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

What happens when you're all alone in the office with a camera shy colleague who insists on snapping your photos?
This is the outcome...

We're jamming....

2007-06-06T02:10:00.000-07:00

Its been months since Moods jammed. After a casual band meeting over coffee on Sunday, we finally head down to Nick Chan's Studio over at Dunlop Street to jam. Moods have been around close to ten years and we went through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad. Above all, we are a family and the band has been the longest running relationship any of us has ever had.
We are performing this Saturday at Substation in conjunction with the Singapore Arts Festival. The week after we are heading down for four days of performances.. We are extremely excited definitely...

boredom personification

2007-04-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

When the weekend hits town and you're too exhausted to go out but you're bored to0 death.... This is the outcome..

What's It Worth?

2007-04-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

This has been a really tough year for me. The higher you escalate in the numerics of life, the heavier your challenges are.
These challenges i'm facing robbed a great deal of who i used to be. I began to question if i'm able to see that light on my face again. They say behind every misfortune lies a certain splendour. I'm grieving patiently, waiting for hope to save me from drowning in my own tears. Maybe this is the year when I become a real woman. Just maybe.

La Question

2007-04-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

It is one of those mornings when you lie awake in bed and your eyes won't shut even though the body feels so torn and tattered. Had strange conversations with people lately. Strangers opening up to you because they think they are dying or because they need help with certain subjects,etc. Strange as it is, it makes you feel warm inside to know that these people trusted you enough to pour out their hearts' contents even though you are a stranger to them. Then comes the question of disappointment. When you've been disappointed by the same person too many times, how do you make it understood that its never easy to just move forward instantaneously with a head thats filled with positive thoughts? Nobody wants to have a head thats filled with negativity unless of course if your anthem is 'I'm only happy when It Rains'.

When do you decide then if someone is serious about you when it has been really difficult for him to find the time to meet your parents? Is that a sign then that he's not? Is busy always an acceptable excuse? Too many obstacles stopping him from reaching your parents, is that a sign that he's not the one? You know what they say, when you really want something, you'll try your best to make it possible.

Well people, what are your views? Do let me know.
Cheerios

My name is BLUE

2007-04-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

When love betrays you and eats you alive, when do you decide enough is enough? What happens if you by chance stumble upon a situation when your legs turn jelly and you feel like somebody just sucked the life out of you? Imagine hearing promises of a better tomorrow and then witnessing that one person whom you hoped to be your saviour killing you softly right in front of your eyes? Do you run and cry for help? Or do you just leave that relationship even when he begs you not to?
Sometimes you wonder what it means when someone says they truly love you and would always be there for you in times of need. Why is someone's love always taken for granted even up till the point when the person who's been hurt and smashed has to go through therapy to pick herself up? How do you know if someone loves you truthfully? When should you start trusting again?
When you re-question your position in the relationship and you feel like there's nothing to hang on for and that you truly have nothing to offer to the person you loved sincerely and without a doubt, is that an indication to just pack up your bags and leave?
Apologies in this situation are underrated because the damage is really severe. Unless the person who's guilty as charged is willing to work really really hard to establish the trust and the love without even letting the ego intrude. Unless that person understands what the hurt has done to the relationship and how low he has stooped as a human being. I personally believe things might just work if the above mentioned things were shown with so much sincerity and honesty.

Happy ending

2007-03-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

The script we wrote for the Children's play, Mat Champion was staged during the March holidays. Went to watch it twice and it just got even crazier every day. It was beyond my wildest imagination that I could write a script with a trusted accomplice and see it being staged. All of this would not have been possible without a very strong cast, a good director,stage manager and the ever so enthusiastic crew. It feels an honour to be given the chance to do this and thak you for all those who truly believed in me.

The wonderful cast with their zany director

Casts mingling with audience

The ever so energetic crew

Love is an Addiction

2007-03-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

It feels like I've been given heroin for three and a half years of my life and now the supplier stops handing me my stash.
The idea of having to go through cold turkey scares the shit out of me. Right now it feels almost impossible to get up on my own two feet and brave the harsh winds of reality. I've been feeling really low. Somehow i don't know what i'm worth anymore.
If only there was someone who would save me from this depressive state. My eyes are really swollen from all the crying. I've been fighting really hard but it seems like i'm gonna die of a broken heart. I feel like I'm doomed to wander this earth alone just like The Incredible Hulk.
My mother wants meet to leave this place to forget about all my worries. She feels its the best thing to do.

2007-03-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

I miss this man. I'm glad amidst his hectic schedule we were able to have dinner together that Sunday evening.

While waiting for a cab by the roadside mirror

Somehow instead of looking shocked i think we looked more frightened

Good Vibrations

2007-02-27T02:46:00.000-08:00

Good Vibrations was a music event held at Fort Canning Park.
The lists of artistes were pretty good.

Jurassic five in action on stage. Boy, did they raise the roof!

Agrikulture, an electronica band from Jakarta who kept us tapping our feet

The Beastie Boys which were the final act. They rocked everybody's socks out.

Mum's The Word

2007-02-20T04:35:00.000-08:00

My mum celebrated her birthday on the 19th of February and my dad planned a surprise gathering for her. He got some of her closest friends to come and join our family in the commemoration of her special day.

My dad, Mr Annarhar concentrating behind the wheel.

Me watching my parents and how loving they still are after all these years of marriage. Hoping to steal a tip or two

We travelled via the second link and we travelled quite a distance before reaching the place. It's situated at a place named Gelang Patah which literally translates to Broken Bangle.

The entrance of Saujana,the place where my dad planned a surprise for my mum.

The area was quite muddy and swampy due to the low tide.

Not something I see everyday at a makan place

As we walked further in, another view captivated me. A serene ambience that was a sight for sore eyes.

Birthday girl with friends

What's New Monkey?

2007-02-18T22:02:00.000-08:00

While leaving Kinemat Office with my brothers and a couple of friends one late morning, something caught my attention.
It was hidden quietly in the corner, stashed neatly amongst some of the other unwanted things. It has big beautiful glassy eyes and to my surprise my brother called him Monkey. Talk about an identity crisis.

Hey Monkey!

Beautifully long tailed creature

The centre of attraction

Inspired by monkey, we did some monkeying around of our own. Is and Saf reprazent

Soul To Squeeze

2007-02-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

A soulful housemate of mine once shared with me when I was really down and lying on a bed of nails. He said that me and my partner should be the best swimmers by now because we have done so much for each other and gone through the lowest and back from the Tsunami. He says that i'm loved by the craziest and most imperfect person. He says a crazy person is not afraid to follow his heart and the imperfect human being is the most perfect human being, and he says the beautiful part is that I love that imperfect person perfectly. He said now thats REAL.

Reality Bites

2007-02-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

When someone tells you they are re-questioning their role in life and that they are really finding their soul again, what should you really do? Should you hang on and give every ounce of your strength thats left? Or should you just get out of all that mess and pick yourself up again? Everyone is born with a soul and its just a matter of how close you are to that soul of yours and how real you wish to be as an individual. Always place your feet firmly on the ground and stay sincere, you can never go wrong. No matter how hard reality bites you, you should never forget where you're coming from, those who really treasure you for who you really are and the good souls who have been a blessing in your life.

Velocity

2007-02-10T22:59:00.000-08:00

I just performed yesterday evening with a bunch of really nice people. It was my first time singing to samba beats. It was truly an exciting experience. It felt like the whole stage was just moving. Mr Moon and Syed Ahmad on guitars. We had Uan and Didi from Wicked Aura as well. Guys, it was an amazing experience to be working alongside you all. Thanks to Syed Ahmad for believing in me. Thanks to Annabelle Francis for being such a sweetie.

I'm a Bomb waiting to explode

2007-02-09T01:38:00.001-08:00

I don't know why but I find it really difficult to express my anger and frustration. Even when people really test you to the brim. I guess people always take advantage of the situation when they know that you're one of those people who does not blow up. I feel like i'm going through a nervous breakdown... I need help.. Somebody save me please...

It's Oh so quiet

2007-02-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

What happens if you know that the love of your life is going away for a week and that you'll be watching The Beastie Boys all alone? Sad isn't it? Finally when they are coming to town and the one person you want to watch it with is away...

Mat Champion Sountrack

2007-02-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

Me and Wabee just ended writing the script for a Children's Play called Mat Champion. It was such a gruelling process since it was our first time doing it. We are recording some songs for the soundtrack. When the mind gets tired, it loses focus.

A smiling break

Melancholic Afternoon

2007-01-31T01:03:00.000-08:00

Its such a beautiful day today but somehow this feeling of melancholia does not seem to want to go away. How does one pick one's life again after going through a whole series of events that leaves you feeling all bruised and battered and that your self worth is worth nothing? Would being wise save the day?

Till death do us part

2007-01-29T02:23:00.000-08:00

What does it feel like when you know your loved ones just passed away and you could not be there to hold their hand and say you're sorry for all the things you've done?

But isn't it worse when you can't even say how much someone means to you while they are still alive?

Sweet harmony

2007-01-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

It was really chilly that night but a hot cup of tea and lots of love helped to spread the warmth around

My beloved cousin with her dearly beloved

Waikiki and Farezwan flashing their million dollar smiles

A happy Zero gleaming with love and the adorable Orkibal, my friend from KL

Tickle me pink

2007-01-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

Pak Aji, Little Miss Muffet and Spike Key

When friends come together, they always create something that constantly amuses them...

Affairs Of The Heart

2006-12-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

We constantly question ourselves about love and what it comprises of.
If we do a survey about love, we'll probably get one thousand and one answers to what love is.
Love itself is still such a mystery, because not even an archaeologist could dig it up and provide us with the answers.
People always say that love is blind but personally I feel people in love are the ones who are blind.
Not because they require a walking stick but because when we are in love we tend to accept the shortcomings and imperfections of those we deeply love and turn it into something beautifully meaningful for us to remember them by.
Love brings out everything we've always wanted to keep hidden. It makes us blush, tickle us pink, brings out the silly side of us, makes us cry like a baby, leaves us all hungry even after stuffing ourselves silly. It makes us insecure, leave us cold or heated up totally.
Sometimes, there are things that our beloved does that leaves a huge container of questions unanswered.
What happens if there is something that we're not comfortable about in our relationship? Do we talk about it even if we know its quite a sensitive issue? Do we just keep it and pray it'll be gone but the truth is it'll rot inside us? I still don't know

Assurances as well as comfort plays an important role in love. Being sensitive to each other's needs goes a long way too.
I guess as humans we tend to let that slip us by because we think we have other pressing or urgent matters to attend to.
But who are we without love?
Love still remains a mystery to us because its never tangible. Its not edible, squisshy or huggable. You can't breathe or smell love. Its a feeling that constantly leaves us pondering.
When you love someone, show them that you do. Treat a lover like how you want to be treated.

The Big Calm

2006-12-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

The end of the year is almost round the bend, if you cycle at breakneck speed you're sure to collide with it head first. For me I choose not to have resolutions because I'm not quite discipline.However, all I seek in life is calmness within and hopefully it radiates out to others who needs it. I'm still searching for my direction in life and i guess there are a lot of others out there who are passengers of this similar voyage.

My Phase 3

2006-12-04T07:21:00.000-08:00

I see myself spending 50 years of my life with him.

Hola!

2006-12-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

Hello World, I am here!